When Money Becomes Control: Recognising Financial Abuse
Do you ever hesitate to spend your own money? Feel anxious or guilty about making even small purchases? Or wonder if you’re “allowed” to manage your finances?
If this sounds familiar, it might be financial abuse, a form of control that often hides in plain sight, especially in relationships where love and trust are supposed to feel safe.
Financial abuse is not about money alone. It’s about power, control, and how that can quietly erode your independence, confidence, and sense of safety.
If you’re feeling trapped or unsure about your financial choices, please know this: you are not imagining things. This is not your fault, and you’re not alone.
What Is Financial Abuse?
Financial abuse happens when someone you care about uses money to control or manipulate you. It often starts subtly, a comment here, a restriction there, and grows into a pattern that leaves you feeling powerless.
Examples include:
Limiting your ability to work, study, or pursue personal growth
Controlling how much money you can spend on essentials like food, healthcare, or clothing
Taking over your bank accounts or credit cards, sometimes “to help” but really to monitor or restrict you
Pressuring you to take on loans or credit cards for their use
Withholding money needed for basic needs or family support
These actions create dependency, making it harder to leave and rebuild your life on your own terms.
Financial abuse is control that goes beyond the wallet.
Signs You Might Be Experiencing Financial Abuse
Financial abuse isn’t always easy to spot, especially when it’s mixed with affection or concern. But if any of these sound familiar, it may be time to reflect:
You feel anxious about spending your own money or need “permission” to make purchases
You’re pressured to hand over bank details, passwords, or access to your accounts
Money meant for essentials like groceries, bills, or child support goes missing or is controlled by someone else
You’re being forced into financial commitments you don’t understand or agree with
You’re expected to justify or “prove” your spending, like you’re accountable to someone else
You’re discouraged or prevented from working, studying, or building your own financial independence
Trust your instincts if you feel uncomfortable or restricted. Financial abuse can feel invisible but its impact runs deep.
Financial Abuse Doesn’t Always End When the Relationship Does
Sadly, financial abuse can continue, or even worsen, after separation. Abusers may use money as a tool to maintain control, causing ongoing hardship and insecurity.
Some post-separation tactics include:
Delaying or refusing to pay court-ordered child or spousal support
Manipulating income or hiding assets to avoid financial responsibilities
Running up debt on shared accounts or damaging your credit
Controlling or withholding access to shared property or superannuation (retirement savings)
Interfering with your employment or career through harassment or reputational damage
If you’re facing these challenges, it’s important to seek support. Legal advice, financial counselling, and community services can help protect your rights and rebuild your financial future.
Financial Abuse vs Economic Abuse: Understanding the Difference
While often used interchangeably, financial abuse and economic abuse have important differences.
Financial Abuse focuses on controlling your money directly, restricting access to cash, misusing your accounts, or pressuring financial decisions.
Economic Abuse is broader, including things like preventing you from working, sabotaging your education, or controlling access to basic needs like housing, transportation, or healthcare.
Both forms create a web of control that can leave you feeling trapped and dependent. Understanding this distinction helps in recognising abuse and seeking appropriate support.
| Aspect | Financial Abuse | Economic Abuse |
|---|---|---|
| Definition | Direct manipulation or control of money and financial resources. | Broader control over economic stability, including resources and opportunities. |
| Control Over Bank Accounts | Taking control of bank accounts, credit cards, or cash. | May restrict or monitor access to accounts but focuses more on access to resources overall. |
| Access to Cash/Spending | Limiting or monitoring your spending, making you ask permission. | May restrict access to essentials like food, transport, housing, and healthcare. |
| Debt and Credit Impact | Running up debt in your name, ruining your credit score. | May cause financial instability that affects credit indirectly by limiting your economic options. |
| Employment & Education | Less directly involved. | Preventing or sabotaging your ability to work, study, or pursue career goals. |
| Control Over Basic Needs | Usually does not include basic needs control. | Restricts access to food, transportation, healthcare, or housing to increase dependency. |
| Legal & Financial Commitments | Forcing loans, credit cards, insurance policies in your name. | May block or manipulate access to legal financial rights, like child support or shared assets. |
| Post-Separation Abuse | Using joint accounts or debts to continue control financially. | May sabotage employment or housing to maintain economic control. |
| Psychological Impact | Creates dependency through financial restrictions and debt. | Creates broader dependency by limiting overall economic independence and access to resources. |
| Examples |
- Taking your money without consent - Forcing you to hand over account details - Running up debt in your name - Controlling all spending decisions |
- Preventing you from working or studying - Controlling access to transportation or housing - Withholding basic needs like food or healthcare - Sabotaging your career or education opportunities |
| Goal of Abuse | To control your money directly, making you financially dependent. | To limit your overall economic autonomy and ability to live independently. |
Taking Steps Toward Freedom and Financial Independence
Starting to reclaim your financial independence can feel daunting, but every step counts.
Here are some ways to begin:
Reach out to trusted services like 1800RESPECT, Women’s Legal Services, or financial counsellors for guidance and support
Keep records of financial transactions, communications, and any evidence of control or manipulation
Connect with safe people who can offer emotional support and practical advice
Consider working with a therapist to unpack the emotional impact and rebuild confidence
Educate yourself about your financial rights, especially around shared assets and support payments
Remember: healing and rebuilding are a journey, and it’s okay to ask for help along the way.
You Are Not Alone, Help Is Available
Financial abuse can feel isolating and overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it on your own.
If any part of this resonates, I’m here to listen and support you. Together, we can explore your situation and work toward safety, freedom, and empowerment.
Please feel free to contact me to discuss your options or book a confidential consultation.
You may also email me at kat@safespacecounsellingservices.com.au
or call me on 0452 285 526
Additional Reading
To deepen your understanding and support your healing journey, you might find these blogs helpful:
Setting Healthy Boundaries: A Guide to Respectful Relationships
Emotionally Immature Parents: Their Impact and Breaking the Cycle
Frequently Asked Questions About Financial Abuse
Q: What exactly is financial abuse?
A: Financial abuse is when someone uses money or financial control to manipulate, restrict, or dominate you. It can involve limiting your access to funds, controlling your spending, or pressuring you into financial decisions against your will.
Q: How can I tell if I’m experiencing financial abuse?
A: Look out for signs like needing permission to spend money, feeling guilty about purchases, restricted access to your own accounts, being pressured into loans, or being prevented from working or studying. Trust your feelings if something feels off.
Q: Is financial abuse always obvious?
A: No. It can be very subtle and mixed with “helpfulness” or concern, making it hard to recognise. But if control over money makes you feel trapped or anxious, that’s a red flag.
Q: Can financial abuse continue after leaving a relationship?
A: Yes, unfortunately. Post-separation financial abuse may include withholding child support, damaging credit, or controlling shared assets. Legal advice and financial counselling can help protect your rights.
Q: What steps can I take to regain financial independence?
A: Seek support from legal services, financial counsellors, and therapists. Keep records of financial interactions, reconnect with safe people, and educate yourself about your rights and options.
Q: What’s the difference between financial abuse and economic abuse?
A: Financial abuse targets your money directly, while economic abuse includes broader control over your resources, like preventing you from working or accessing basic needs.
Q: Who can I talk to if I think I’m being financially abused?
A: Reach out to trusted professionals, such as domestic violence services (e.g., 1800RESPECT), Women’s Legal Services, financial counsellors, or a trauma-informed therapist like myself.
