Emotional Abuse & Relationship Trauma Counselling
Sometimes it doesn’t feel obvious that something has been harmful. You might find yourself replaying conversations, questioning your reactions or trying to work out what really happened. Things that felt small at the time start to stay with you.
You may feel confused, anxious, constantly on edge or no longer trust your own judgement. Perhaps you've started second-guessing yourself, walking on eggshells or wondering why a relationship continues to affect you long after it has ended.
Emotional abuse isn't always obvious
Emotional abuse can take many forms. It may involve:
persistent criticism or humiliation
blame shifting
gaslighting
controlling behaviour
emotional manipulation
silent treatment or withdrawal
coercive control
making you feel responsible for another person's emotions
Many people don't recognise these patterns while they're happening. Instead, they notice the impact: confusion, anxiety, self-doubt, or a growing sense that they are no longer themselves.
When something doesn’t quite add up
You find yourself trying to make sense of something that didn’t feel right, even if you can’t fully explain it. You might find yourself:
Replaying conversations, trying to work out what really happened
Questioning your own perceptions, reactions, or memory
Feeling responsible for keeping things steady, even at a cost to yourself
Walking on eggshells, or adjusting yourself to avoid conflict
Feeling pulled back toward someone, even when you know something wasn’t right
Struggling to make sense of why it affected you as much as it did
Sometimes, even after the relationship has ended, the impact stays in the form of self-doubt, emotional confusion, or a sense of being caught in something you can’t quite untangle.
Experiences like this can sometimes be part of emotional abuse or coercive relational dynamics. It isn’t always obvious while it’s happening. Often, it’s something people only begin to recognise later when the confusion, self-doubt, or emotional pull doesn’t quite make sense.
Emotional abuse often affects more than one part of your life. For some people, the lasting impact shows up as shame, self-criticism, or a loss of confidence in themselves. For others, it appears in the nervous system as anxiety, hypervigilance, or difficulty feeling safe. Many also begin to notice familiar relationship patterns that seem to repeat over time.
You can learn more about these areas here:
→ Shame, Identity & Self-Worth
→ Trauma & Nervous System Regulation
→ Attachment & Relationship Patterns
Making sense of the impact
The impact isn't just about what happened in the relationship. It can affect how you relate to yourself long afterwards.
You may find yourself doubting your instincts, struggling to make decisions, feeling responsible for other people's emotions or questioning whether your experience was really “bad enough”. Some people notice increased anxiety, hypervigilance, shame or difficulty trusting others. Others describe feeling disconnected from themselves, as though they have lost confidence in who they are.
It can stay with you as:
self-doubt
difficulty trusting your instincts
feeling emotionally pulled back toward the relationship
a sense of losing clarity about who you are
Even when you understand things logically, something can still feel unsettled underneath.
Rebuilding trust in yourself
Making sense of this on your own can be difficult, especially when the experience itself involved confusion or self-doubt.
You might notice:
Second-guessing your instincts
Needing reassurance from others
Difficulty knowing what you feel or need
A lingering sense of “maybe it was me”
Therapy can offer a space to slowly piece things together, not just what happened, but how it affected you, and what you need now. We begin by slowing things down enough to notice what’s happening in your thoughts, your body, your responses, and gradually rebuilding a sense of trust in your own perceptions
Why it can be hard to move on
People often wonder why it’s been so hard to leave, or why they still feel connected.
There are often layers to this:
Moments of closeness or care that felt real
Cycles of rupture and repair
A growing hope that things might shift
Deeper patterns that made the relationship feel familiar or compelling
Understanding this doesn’t make you weak. It helps make sense of something that can otherwise feel confusing or contradictory.
You don’t need a perfect explanation to begin
You don’t need to be certain that what you experienced “counts” as emotional abuse. If something has left you feeling unsettled, confused, or not quite yourself, that’s enough to start from. We can take the time to understand it together.
If you’d like to understand this more in your own time, I’ve written more about these patterns and dynamics here:
→ Emotional Abuse & Narcissistic Dynamics
If it helps to explore this a little further, you might find these useful:
Vulnerable Narcissism — The Push–Pull of Loving Someone Easily Wounded
Why You Still Love Someone Who Hurts You — Trauma Bonds Explained
If you’re starting to want more clarity or support with this, you can read more about what working together might feel like:
Practical details
Sessions run for 60 minutes and are available online via Zoom and in person in Melbourne.
Online sessions offer flexibility and privacy; in-person can feel more contained for some people. Either is a valid place to begin.
If you're not sure where to start, many people begin with a short consultation to get a sense of whether the work feels like a good fit. Others prefer to book a full session straight away.
Self-managed and plan-managed NDIS clients are welcome.
For fees and availability, see Fees & FAQ.
When you’re ready
If this resonates, you don’t have to keep working it out on your own. You’re welcome to begin when it feels right.
Frequently asked questions
What if I'm not sure what I experienced really counts as abuse?
You don't need that question settled before you come; working it out is often part of the process. Emotional abuse and coercive control are deliberately hard to name from the inside; the confusion and self-doubt are part of how they work, not a sign that nothing happened. If something has left you unsettled or not quite yourself, that's reason enough.
Can you help if I'm still in the relationship?
Yes. People come at every stage, still in it, recently out, or making sense of something years later. You don't have to have made any decision to begin.
Will therapy push me to leave?
No. The work has no agenda about what you should do. The aim is to help you see clearly and rebuild trust in your own judgment, so that whatever you decide is genuinely yours. Many people come precisely because they want a space that isn't telling them what to do.
Why do I still miss someone who hurt me?
This is one of the most common and most painful parts of the experience, and it isn't a sign of weakness or poor judgment. Trauma bonds form through cycles of harm and repair that affect the nervous system and attachment system directly. Understanding how that works tends to bring relief and self-compassion rather than more self-blame.
Do you offer sessions outside Melbourne?
Yes. In-person sessions are in Melbourne, but online sessions via Zoom are available more widely and work well for this kind of work.