When Father’s Day Hurts

The shops fill with reminders: emails urging you to buy gifts, supermarket displays stacked with Father’s Day specials, shopping centre ads encouraging you to celebrate your dad. Everywhere you turn, there are messages that this is a day for gratitude, connection, and joy.

But what happens when that joy feels out of reach?

If Father’s Day stirs up sadness, anger, grief, or a profound sense of loneliness, you’re not alone. For many, this day doesn’t bring warmth; it brings waves of complicated emotions that can feel overwhelming and isolating.

Whatever this day stirs up for you, your feelings are real and they matter.

Why Father’s Day Can Feel So Painful

When love was missing and harm took its place

Growing up with a father who was abusive, neglectful, or unsafe leaves wounds that Father’s Day can reopen. Watching others celebrate what you never had, or had to escape, can bring up waves of grief and loneliness.

The ache of emotional absence

Sometimes the pain isn’t about what happened, but what didn’t. A father who was there in body but not in heart leaves a different kind of ache. You may still find yourself wishing for the dad who asked about your day, showed pride in your achievements, or simply made you feel valued. Emotional neglect can be difficult to name, but the longing it creates is very real.

The courage (and cost) of stepping away

For some, the only way to stay safe is by going low-contact or no-contact. While this decision can bring relief, it often carries guilt too. Society loves to remind us, “but he’s still your dad”, as though that should erase the harm. It doesn’t. Choosing your own wellbeing takes strength, even when others don’t understand.

Grieving what was lost or never was

Father’s Day can stir grief in many forms, for a father who has died, for a relationship that ended badly, or for a bond that never existed. Even years into healing, the day can touch those tender places and bring waves of sadness.

Holding Space for Complex Emotions

Your feelings don’t need to make neat, logical sense. You might feel sadness mixed with relief, longing alongside anger, or guilt intertwined with self-compassion. These emotions can coexist. That’s completely normal.

You have every right to grieve what you didn’t receive, even if others don’t understand. You have every right to protect yourself from harm, even if friends or family question your boundaries.

Sometimes the hardest part is the emptiness that remains.

Coping with Father’s Day Triggers

Your emotions don’t need to be tidy or logical. Sadness can coexist with relief, longing with anger, guilt with self-compassion. These mixed emotions are normal.

Here are some gentle ways to protect yourself:

• Honour Yourself
  You don’t owe anyone a performance of celebration. It’s okay not to participate in Father’s Day traditions, and it’s equally okay to celebrate safe, loving father figures in your life.

• Protect Your Peace
  If social media posts feel triggering, take a break. If gatherings feel unsafe, it’s okay to decline. Your well-being matters more than social pressure.

• Create Meaningful Rituals
  Consider honouring a mentor, teacher, or friend who provided care when you needed it. Or honour yourself, for breaking harmful cycles, for healing, for showing up differently in your own relationships.

• Reach for Support
  Share your feelings with someone you trust, a friend, partner, therapist, or support group. Talking about your Father’s Day grief can help reduce isolation.

• Ground Yourself in the Present
  When emotions surge, grounding practices can help: slow breathing, a mindful walk, journaling, or soothing activities that bring comfort.

Recognising Your Resilience

Father’s Day may always carry tender spots, but it can also remind you of your resilience. Every boundary you’ve set, every step you’ve taken toward healing, and every act of self-compassion reflect your strength.

You are not defined by what you didn’t receive. You are defined by your courage to heal, your commitment to kindness, and your ability to build safe, nourishing relationships.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

If Father’s Day feels heavy for you, please know you’re not alone. Many share these complex emotions — especially those estranged from parents, coping with toxic family relationships, or grieving emotional neglect.

Healing takes time, patience, and often professional support.

Safe Space for Healing

I’m Kat O’Mara, counsellor and founder of Safe Space Counselling Services in Melbourne, Australia. I specialise in supporting people navigating:

• Parental estrangement

• Toxic family dynamics

• Father’s Day grief and triggers

• Healing from childhood trauma and emotional neglect

If you’d like a safe, compassionate space to explore these feelings, I welcome you to connect with me:

📧 kat@safespacecounsellingservices.com.au
🌐 www.safespacecounsellingservices.com.au