How to Recover from Gaslighting in a Toxic Relationship

Have you ever walked away from a conversation wondering if you were the problem? Feeling like you're "too sensitive" or "losing it"? You're not alone. And you are not crazy. These are common effects of gaslighting: a form of psychological abuse that manipulates you into doubting your own experiences.

Abusers use subtle and overt tactics to undermine your self-trust, exert control, and avoid responsibility. Over time, you might find yourself walking on eggshells, questioning your memory, and shrinking in fear of confrontation. This isn’t you being dramatic; this is a trauma response to a deeply manipulative dynamic. But recovery is possible.

What Is Gaslighting?

What Is Gaslighting? Gaslighting in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse where the perpetrator manipulates the victim into doubting their memories, perceptions, or beliefs. They may deny that something happened, blame the victim for their actions, or use vague language to obscure the truth. Over time, this destabilises the victim's inner world.

A gaslighter might say:

• "You're remembering it wrong."

• "You're being dramatic."

• "That never happened."

These phrases are not mere disagreements; they are deliberate attempts to confuse and destabilise. When repeated over time, they erode your confidence and make you dependent on the abuser for a sense of what is real.

Recognising the Patterns

Gaslighting rarely exists in isolation. It is often accompanied by:

• Isolation: Cutting you off from friends or family.

• Blame-shifting: Making you feel responsible for their harmful behaviours.

• Distorted narratives: Rewriting shared experiences to make themselves look like the victim.

• Threats and intimidation: Using your emotional vulnerability or past trauma against you.

One of the most painful effects is self-doubt. Survivors often internalise the abuser's distortions and start believing the narrative that they are the problem.

Protect yourself from gaslighting and reclaim your breath.

How Do They Get Away With It?

Gaslighters are often charming, composed, and persuasive in public. This makes it easier for them to present you as irrational or unstable. They may quietly discredit you, saying you’re "too emotional" or "mentally unwell," especially if you react to their abuse with justified anger or distress.

This dynamic can make you question your sanity, particularly if those around you also fall for the gaslighter’s version of events. It’s not uncommon for survivors to feel alone, ashamed, and unable to trust their own judgment.

What You Can Do to Protect Yourself

While escaping gaslighting can be difficult, especially in intimate or family relationships, there are ways to regain your footing:

• Trust your intuition. Your gut is wiser than you think. If something feels wrong, it usually is.

• Document your experience. Keeping a private, factual record can help counter distorted memories.

• Build a support system. Confide in people who validate your feelings. A trauma-informed therapist can also offer insight and guidance.

• Set boundaries. If it’s safe, clearly state what behaviour you will not accept. This may sound like, “I will not engage in conversations where my reality is dismissed”

• Anchor your nervous system. Gaslighting affects your body, not just your mind. Use grounding tools like 4-7-8 breathing, placing your feet on the floor, or self-soothing touch.

Free Resource: Reclaiming Sanity Workbook

If you're unsure where to begin, I’ve created a trauma-informed workbook to help you start sorting through your experience.

This free resource will guide you to:

• Recognise the signs of gaslighting

• Reconnect with your inner voice

• Create boundaries that protect your emotional well-being

• Reflect gently on your needs, values, and sense of safety

Download the Free Workbook Here

You are not alone. And you are not broken.

Conclusion

Your Truth Is Worth Protecting

Gaslighting is designed to disconnect you from your inner compass. But healing brings you back to it. Over time, with support and practice, your confidence, clarity, and self-worth can return.

You deserve relationships rooted in respect, not control. Let’s talk about how to reconnect with your truth, recognise manipulation tactics, and restore your self-trust.

📢 Book a confidential session with me today to begin your healing journey. You don’t have to untangle this alone.

📬 Share this post with someone who might need it. You never know whose life you might touch.

Common Questions About Gaslighting

What are the long-term effects of gaslighting?

Gaslighting can erode your sense of self. Over time, it may lead to chronic self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting your perceptions or emotions. Many survivors report feeling like they’ve “lost themselves.” This is especially true when gaslighting happens in childhood or long-term relationships, where your internal compass is shaped by someone who regularly distorts reality. Recovery is possible, especially with supportive therapy that honours your lived experience.

How do I know if I’m being gaslit or just sensitive?

This is a common and painful doubt and part of the impact of gaslighting itself. One red flag is if you’re often made to feel “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express normal needs, feelings, or boundaries. Gaslighting involves repeated patterns of denial, blame-shifting, or rewriting events. Trust what your body feels: confusion, fear, and shrinking back around someone are often more reliable than logic. Sensitivity is not the problem; manipulation is.

Can you recover from narcissistic abuse without therapy?

Some people begin the healing process on their own through reading, journaling, or peer support. But narcissistic abuse often involves deep emotional wounds, identity confusion, and complex trauma. Therapy, especially trauma-informed or schema-based work, can help untangle these patterns safely. A therapist can also help you rebuild self-trust, restore boundaries, and heal the inner voice that was distorted through the abuse.

What’s the difference between gaslighting and lying?

Lying is telling an untruth. Gaslighting goes further: it’s a pattern of psychological manipulation that makes you question your memory, reality, or sanity. For example, a lie might be “I didn’t do that.” Gaslighting adds, “You’re imagining things again, you always overreact.” It’s not just the falsehood, but the denial of your inner reality. That’s what makes it so destabilising and harmful over time.